tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-732814703629083854.post579917282046450090..comments2014-07-16T18:30:22.926-07:00Comments on AWF 2014 - Billy Collins Poetry Group: RestlessRumidoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10107514805920056269noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-732814703629083854.post-35383201083944954012014-06-30T13:45:59.565-07:002014-06-30T13:45:59.565-07:00Better late than never? My sentiments echo some of...Better late than never? My sentiments echo some of Elise's and Mary's. As a reader, I love the mystery and darkness of the poem. You've taken something that children love to do - watch fish from above - and turned it into art. I would also suggest revisiting "of spiders" in the first line. I accept and enjoy the mystery of something "too small to see" but question concluding with "too big to understand." It almost feels too big and empty a conclusion for the rest of the poem, which contains such thoughtfully selected, concrete details. I love that you chose this subject as your topic!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14271388814748929784noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-732814703629083854.post-16725009643627540242014-06-25T05:52:43.536-07:002014-06-25T05:52:43.536-07:00Hi, Tony:
I really enjoyed this poem. I think the...Hi, Tony:<br /><br />I really enjoyed this poem. I think the rhythm is especially good. It has a lovely, lulling cadence through the end. <br /><br />My comments are actually almost exactly the same as Mary's! I struggled a bit with the spider image (also thought of "made of spiders"). I also thought "giant" was surprising--I was picturing an average-sized fish. <br /><br />I read the poem without the last line as well--something to consider? I like it both ways. <br /><br />I personally have watched fish from a bridge in this same way, so the image was very familiar, and your reflection made me think about it in a new way. Thanks so much for sharing this! Elisehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14243082447231349059noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-732814703629083854.post-65169806006334318332014-06-23T08:26:20.992-07:002014-06-23T08:26:20.992-07:00Tony, this is lovely.
My overall feeling was with...Tony, this is lovely.<br /><br />My overall feeling was with the pleasure of the imagery, and the sort of haunting circle of life in the second stanza. I love the narrator watching this primal, animal feeding from above, like a God.<br /><br />I think you succeed at evoking the emotion you're (likely) going for, so my next suggestions are workshoppy take-it-or-leave-it things.<br /><br />Consider changing the word "of" in the first two lines. For me, it suggested "made of" spiders, and it took me a second to get the picture of where I was. <br /><br />But the image in the last two lines of the first stanza really got me into the poem. It's a cool image, although I did think "Wouldn't the fish be too small to see?" which can be remedied, maybe, by saying that they're giant in the first mention rather than the second mention.<br /><br />"Prehistoric beasts" is sort of a pre-fab set of words. Can you call them something other than beasts?<br /><br />Really lovely poem!Mhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12611503693146886414noreply@blogger.com